Saturday 27 April 2013

X is for XOXO. Healing with words. Day 24. #atozchallenge

xoxo  - hugs and kisses
- From wikipedia

The common custom of placing X's on envelopes, notes and at the bottom of letters to mean kisses dates back to the Middle Ages, when a Christian cross was drawn on documents or letters to mean sincerity, faith, and honesty....[also]...which was then kissed in this tradition of displaying a sacred oath.

The 'O' is of North American descent; no one really seems to know how it was started. Perhaps now it is used as the 'O' being rounded represents arms encircling another, as in an embrace.



Dear Beverley,

It's been so long since we talked, I miss you.  I was in Copenhagen last week and you know how whenever I go to a big city I always see people I recognise, even though it's not really them, just their look-a-likes, and how that makes me feel convinced that we have doppelgangers or perhaps even alternate/parallel lives (who knows right?).

Anyway, all I do know for sure, is that every city smells the same and they all have similar looking characters wandering around.  I know it's wrong to judge, but it's not just the clothes they wear, or their hairstyles, it's the lines marked on their faces, the shape and angle of their teeth, their smile and their gait and the exact shape of a fist their hand makes.  Sometimes it's just a slight similarity other times it really is an identical image. Well, you'll never believe it (well of course you will though others might not) this time I saw you. And my dear dear Beverley, you were so wonderful, so happy, so strong.

I was in Copenhagen to see the new Wallmans show in the old circus building.  I know you would have loved it. I remember all the stories you used to tell me about your mothers family being travelling circus folk.  I know you were young when she died, but there was a lady on stage that looked so much like you, I am sure you would have recognised your mum in her.  I literally gasped when she came out, and then when she began to sing I cried.  She was a star, there was even a Marilyn Munroesque performer that was a show stealer right beside you, but you were smoother, sexier and your voice was amazing. Every song was you and every memory we shared together, or should have shared together, was in every single word of every song she sang.

When she sung Adele's 'Someone like you', I understood everything.  I understood why you couldn't stay, I understood that line that never made sense to me before.  I understand this letter is the first of many to you. I also understand why your little dog Mishka still has my name and number recorded on her microchip, as her emergency contact... and why I got a call from Australia last week to let me know that she ran away but she is back home safe and sound now.

I wanted to meet the amazing singer after the show and tell her that she had touched a part of me that had long ago been buried with you.  Maybe I was there for her as much as she was there for me, or maybe she would have just thought I was a stone cold crazy.  I left without saying goodbye.

Forever a part of me.
xoxo



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Find out how I chose my theme by reading my intro blog A-Z challenge list. Words of change.  You are welcome to add more words to the list in the comments - that I'll link back to you.

30 comments:

  1. Beautiful Ida, Just beautiful.
    xoxo

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    1. Thank you K. It's been a long time coming and with any luck there is a long way to go :)

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  2. Beautiful Ida..it brought a tear to my eyes.....I can relate to this to...recently lost a very lovely friend and I often "wrtie" letters to her like this in my mind xxxxxx Shelly

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  3. Hi Ida .. this is a wonderful reminisce for someone we love, someone we'd love to have with us ... I bet the Show was glorious .. the singer sounded like she so resonated - I'm sure she'd have loved to have met you ..

    xoxoxo to you ... and happiness in the future .. Hilary

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    1. It was a glorious show, my sister says it's better than Moulin Rouge. We go every year, it changes every season, so I might get a chance to meet her one day - I will try and link the post to one of their facebook pages or webiste perhaps. xoxo back :)

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  4. Beautiful!
    I can very much relate to this.... I have lost two of my dear friends...and I still mail to their ID. It just feels good to share with them our days like old days. A beary virtual hug to you.
    xoxo

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    1. Me too... infact even now... doesn't feel to delete them off!

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    2. I think a few photos are nice to keep, especially printed ones - just in case the hard drives of the world all get deleted one day... but no matter what mementos you have or not they are always a part of you. xoxo

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  5. Replies
    1. Sorry Anne, It came with tears but they're gone now :)

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  6. The person being written to wasn't dead, just out of touch, right? I didn't think they were dead until I read the comments.

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    1. I guess you could say both, she is very much alive to me, this wasn't the first time I have seen her since she died. I didn't want to seem like I was writing to a dead person, but I make reference to it when I say I understood why she had to go and a part of me was buried with her.

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  7. I love that it originates from the middle ages xoxo

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  8. Replies
    1. Susan, it really was a wow moment, it still is xoxo

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  9. It took me a minute to decide you were writing to someone dear who had died. I have written a few letters in this way to my brother who died last year.It has helped with the loss and the confusion that surrounds his death. Thanks for another beautiful post. Glad the trip was great...you were missed here.

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    1. Dear Zoe, loss. confusion, frustration, fear and the rest, which now includes joy/peace... I appreciate how much of a gift her life, friendship and death were for me - she taught me so much.

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  10. The X has Christian origins? I like that.

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    1. According to Wiki yes, but I remember my mother used to tell me a similar story

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  11. Welcome back from Copenhagen; I hope (and bet) it was wonderful!

    Great X post - When I was a teenager struggling through life, I used to write letters to my deceased grandmother who I never actually met. I think she was up there watching me; keeping me safe.

    XO

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  12. Aww. How touching and heartbreaking. Xoxo.

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    1. Suicide is a heartbreaking phenomenon... but the largest animals from whales down to the smallest algae seem to have altruistic reasons for doing it.

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  13. It's not something I have done before, it was definitely cleansing :) She was a great writer, who didn't finish her story, though I promised to tell the parts I know one day, I guess this is the beginning.

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  14. I thought so to... I like that it was sealed with a kiss

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  15. all I want to know now is how did xxx end up going from sincerity, faith, honesty to the moniker of filth that the porn industry represents.

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  16. Thats for the google + I haven't got that far into working out how to manage it all yet

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  17. This is beautiful Ida, thank you for sharing this with us. My heart melted - I also was unsure at the beginning, but now I realise this was someone who is no longer with you on this earthly plane. May her dear soul rest in peace.

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  18. Hi mel, that means a lot to me coming from someone as creative as you. I love your new Ink blot kingdom adventure... I hope it is a great success...

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  19. Wow. This reminds me that we need to write to those before they die, too. I just visited an aunt this weekend who might not have too much time left. I spent as much time as I could with her this weekend.

    Thanks for sharing.

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Feedback and your own stories are welcome.